HAHAHA! I Used To Be Hilarious!!

I'm trying to sell a couch on Craigslist, this is what I get.

cyril wikkins wrote:

Thank you for the reply to my mail inquiry am quite satisfied with the
condition .Am very much interested and i would like to make an
outright purchase, so i will appreciate it if you can withdraw the
advert from the web.i don't mind adding extra $50 for taking the
advert down.Actually am a bad stammerer I would have call you, I will
be paying with a certified check.Furthermore my mover will be coming
over for the pick up..as i might not be available for the pick up
myself but am OK with the information from the ad.I will need the
following information details to make payment arrangement 1,Your full
name to be on the Payment.2 ,Your postal address.3,Your phone number
both land and mobile.4,Your postal code.????
I will really appreciate it buying this item from you.So you get me
the required information for your payment to be issued asap.

Cyril Wikkins.


Then I wrote:

Thank you for the reply, I am quite satisfied with the reply. I am very much interested in your offer to purchase, so I would appreciate it if you could pull your head neatly out of your ass. I would use this extra $50 to pay my strippers and coke. I have a stutter that keeps me lonely which is why I need the cocaine, it helps me meet strippers. I would accept checks but my therapist says I need to stay away from anything that can inflict pain, have you ever had a paper cut? Those things hurt like a bitch! Furthermore, any mover that shows up at my place without you will be butt fucked by my prison friend I met. his name is Tiney McSkinny, he's of Irish descent, don't let the name fool you =). So yes. My phone number is strangely similar to local Police Department, we get our calls mixed all the time. And you can go ahead and show up at my address which is currently a cardboard refrigerator box. Thanks. ;)